In my anguish, bitter to my taste
About This Entry
Jacob ben Meir composed “In my anguish, bitter to my taste” in the meter of Spanish Hebrew poetry, indicative of the influence of that school on northern French authors. Jacob wrote this piyyut for the Sukkot festival, though an explicit reference to this holiday appears only at the end of this poem. The opening phrase presents the inverse of Song of Songs 2:3, and the closing line expresses a desire for an end to the bitter taste of contemporary Jewish existence.
In my anguish, bitter to my taste, and in my wanderings and expulsions,
I mention Your name, O my King—and my soul rejoices in You.
My paths lead upward, my face turns toward heaven,
I lift up my bells to improve my tune,
and I place my praises before Him, as my gift.
My tears are my libation, when I offer my flesh;
my bones are my firewood, and my heart is my pyre.
[God]’s acts of kindness and giving are great beyond number.
How can someone formed of dust approach His footstool,
especially if one has violated His covenant, and
overstepped the boundaries He stated?
And how can my knee remain strong and my head upright,
when His eyes see my deeds, and my own foot
stands as a trap for me?
O Holy One of Jacob, my sun, whose name is my garment,
whose kindness is my turban—who can be like me?1
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why do you moan within me?
Hope in God, and seek, day and night,
to serve Him, bring Him fulfillment, for this is freedom and liberation.
Guide me and teach me in the ways that You desire,
and may I find beautiful grace in Your sight, and may You keep me alive.
And guide me with Your spirit, to do what is good in Your eyes.
May I forget my days of darkness, and the nights, when my Man2 wanders.
And may I be satisfied in my booth [the Temple] with grain and wine.
Translated by Gabriel Wasserman.
Notes
[In other words, when I am wrapped in godliness, who can be like me?—Trans.]
[Probably a reference to God, the “husband” of the Jewish people, who is far from them during the night of exile.—Trans.]
Published in: The Posen Library of Jewish Culture and Civilization, vol. 3: Encountering Christianity and Islam.
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